Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
