We're facebook friends in real life
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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