Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
