dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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