Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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