I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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