tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
