i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
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I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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