I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
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He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
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Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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