You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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