I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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