i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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