Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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