I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She needs sedatives and a leash
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
