HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
