covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
