I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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