She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
