P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
did i just pee glitter
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