You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
