I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
