is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
