It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
