Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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