just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
This house was built for laser tag.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
