She said her name was "party"
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
