My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
