worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
