And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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