That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I touched a dick in church today
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
