Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
you had me at cake vodka
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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