There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
