Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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