wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
