She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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