how can u be prego again
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
