i think my mom watched the whole time
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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