Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
