what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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