and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He uses pillows to masturbate.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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