I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
