Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The feeling are messing with the penis
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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