I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
