420 ftw
Where is the hickey?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We need to get me chipped asap
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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