Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
