then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
