life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
