Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
