I faked an abortion last night.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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