he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize