My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I don't think brook has ever known best
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
