There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
