If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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