I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize