Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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