so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Small penises have feelings too.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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