When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
