I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
