he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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