If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
