I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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