I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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