What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
