well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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