i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
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He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
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Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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