cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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