just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
